If you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need...

Starting tomorrow, I will begin my 6th year of teaching. It sounds crazy when I say it like that.

I never wanted to be a teacher. The saying, "those who can't do, teach," is something that I always took as truth. Failing to get a "real" job made you a prime teacher - the low pay was your penalty for being "inadequate." Not that I ever thought this about anyone, but I definitely thought it about myself.

When I first told my mother that I wanted to be a teacher, her response was, "Well please tell me you're not going to teach highschool!" - implying that if I taught anything lower than college I was wasting my time and my talents.

So here I am, six years later, and I'm still a bit embarrassed to answer the get-to-know-you question of, "so...what do YOU do?" I wish that in one word, I could say "teacher" but mean "I hold 3 degrees, NONE in education, making my earning potential quite high by all standards, but find it quite fulfilling to instill a love of math into young students who might otherwise hate the subject and not see it's beauty." Unfortunately, such a single word that says all that does not exist in English. Maybe in German...

It's hard feeling like you have let yourself down. I feel like that almost daily - both in career choice and in personal relationships (or lack thereof). When I say that I am not where I thought I would be at 30, what I mean is that I thought I would a successful, upper middle-class woman with a husband and kids in the near future. I'm none of those things. I am exactly like I was at 24, only with more wisdom, compassion, and insight. And cats.

What I do know, though, is that I love teaching. I love forming relationships with students that last throughout the years. I like watching kids grow and mature, both in life and in mathematics. I love the look of the mathematical epiphany that students wear so proudly when they finally "get it." I love it that kids think I'm the "cool" teacher, and that they come to me for advice. I like that my students take an interest in me as a person instead of just "that old lady" in front of the class that barks mathematical jargon for x minutes of the day.

I still wrestle with my pride of job title. But I think it's waning each year.

Whatever I lack in my life is always made up for in the classroom, and that's what gets me up in the morning.

I know my mom is proud of me, even if I am "just a teacher." And for those that claim that I teach because I failed in industry...well, my job is endlessly more rewarding than receiving a certificate and a raise for a job well done. I get years of thanks from the future leaders of tomorrow. And that makes up for the piss-poor pay. Well...almost :)