Wow...my life kinda blows

After two years of being single, I finally snagged a man. "Awesome," I thought. "We have such a great time together. He makes me laugh, and he makes the best mix CDs ever."

Well...like most things in my life, it didn't last.

Torn between anger and sadness, I went through the myriad of questions and thoughts that one typically does when faced with such a devastating (and ego-crushing) blow. What could I have done differently? What's wrong with me? If this wasn't it (which I really thought it was), then what is? Did I even matter to him? Why me?

Thanks to my long commute, I had time to think about these things. And while this chapter is officially closed, I have yet to determine its afterword.

What I do know, is that it WASN'T me. For possibly the first time in my dating career, I think I played it all by the book. I was understanding. I wasn't needy. I did everything I could to make this work. I was generous, and I was thoughtful. Most importantly, for the first time in a long time, I let myself be vulnerable.

The hardest thing to answer, though, is the "what's wrong with me" question. My mother, of course, tells me that I can't ask myself those types of questions. That there's nothing wrong with me. I'm perfect. But I can't help but wonder how, at 29, I am single with no prospects in sight.

It's hard to go from being really content to completely devastated in the same day. I know that I deserve happiness. I hope that sometime, in the not so distant future, I might actually find it.

Until then, I am going to curse my vulnerability and cry with only my cats (and possibly the strangers at the gym) as witnesses.