Dating sucks. There's no denying it. And as you get older, it gets even worse. Most people my age have kids, are married (or divorced), and have put on a considerable amount of weight. Snagging a high-quality mate was starting to seem like a Herculean task. What was I going to do? Start internet-dating? No thank you.
And then it happened.
After months of building a friendship with someone I have known for over a decade, I realized that I was building more than simply a friendship. What I was building was a relationship.
While discussing our unplanned but satisfying union last night, the topic of how dating changes when you're 30 came up. No longer do you date on a whim. Time's a ticking. Every "boyfriend" is a much more likely contender for the title of "the one." No longer are looks that important. Sure, attractiveness is desired, but so is career, potential, income, and genetics. General usefulness around the house is also a plus. Can he cook? Can he fix things? Will he mind if I'm in my sweatpants at 5:30 in the evening? So many factors come into play that I never even considered 5 or 10 years ago.
The inverse relationship between age and dating pool is one that makes me question: do we reach a point where we just pick the best of what's left, or are we smarter and wiser in our dating decisions as we age? Am I more likely to "settle" because I'm getting older and the years in which I can conceive a child that does not run an inordinately high risk of having Downs Syndrome are waning? Or I am more aware of what will make me happy after many years of meeting people that, for some reason for another, just don't do it for me?
Do people eventually "settle" in lieu of living life alone? Am I settling? Does he feel like he is settling?
My answer to all of these is: I hope not. I can't afford a monthly membership to match.com anyway.
Here's to giving another relationship the good ol' college try.
Monday, November 30, 2009
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To answer the first, of course you think you are 'settling' otherwise you wouldn't be writing something like this. You might not be though. You never have been a good judge of character.
ReplyDeleteI really hope that this person makes you happy. You deserve it, and you never seem to know what you want or what is really good for you, so I hope that blind luck favors you for a change.
Thank you for your kind words. It's true that I often have not known what I have wanted or been particularly successful at choosing possible mates.
ReplyDeleteBut I think I've done well this time. I feel lucky. I hope he does, too.